Worst Case Senario...

The doctor called back. They actually called back on Monday night, but I have been trying to digest the news before blogging about it. The verdict was, the test results are declining instead of improving, so they want us to go see the I.V.F. doctor now, before conditions worsen even more. We are setting up an appointment with her as we speak. I just wish things weren't so tense, not between Jeff and I, but about everything. I feel like I can't concentrate on anything, school, home, anything. I told Jeff I may take the day off tomorrow. I haven't really given myself a chance to digest this all, and I think prolonging it is just making me worse. I went to the Carrie Underwood concert on Tuesday with my mom and my sister and started crying when she sang All American Girl. I cry over TV, I cry over the radio, I cry at school. I can't seem to get a grip on my emotions anywhere right now. I just never pictured conceiving a child the way that has suddenly been thrust into our best option.

So I have decided that I am going to write a book about all the inappropriate things that people say to you and think they are making you feel better, but in actuality make you feel worse. Here are some of them:

"You would be the cutest blonde mommy with a little asian baby."
"If you adopted and they didn't look like you, you could always dye their hair."
"Well, feel lucky you won't have to worry about swollen ankles and morning sickness!"
"Do you want my child? They are driving me nuts!"
"Maybe now is not the right time for you."
"If you relaxed more and weren't as stressed, then maybe it will happen."
"Mind over matter."
"Everything happens for a reason."
"God has a plan for everyone, maybe yours just doesn't include a baby."
"Maybe subconsciously you don't want a baby."
"It's good you're finding out now."
"It's good you are so young when you found out."
"I'm sorry you are dealing with this so early in your marriage."
"You haven't been trying THAT long."
"God grants miracles to those that believe."
"I didn't think this happened to people so young."

I am such a passive person, unless something really ticks me off, that I am just at a loss for words when people say these things, and it feels like each time a little piece of the armor I have put on for everyone else chips away. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, I'm not. I am very grateful for my friends and family who are trying to be supportive and help. I just am in a very dark place right now, hoping I see the light at the tunnel very soon...