Fear of the unknown

So I just checked in with the doctor like they wanted me to...Got to answer all the fun questions about female anatomy and the things that can happen 'down there'. I kind of feel uncomfortable answering those kinds of questions ("painful intercourse", "discharge of an unusual color")to a perfect stranger, but I guess I better get use to it if I am going to have a baby...Then I will have a whole gallery of people staring at my who-ha...a fun thought!

Anyway, the doctor gave us the all clear to start trying again whenever we are ready. They did an extensive blood analysis to screen it for all kinds of things and apparently I am free of everything from Hepatitis to Herpes :) Good to know.

On the one hand I was excited...I mean this is what we've been waiting for is to make sure everything was okay, and nothing is wrong with me. On the other hand, I feel like a scared little kid who just took a major spill off my horse, and I'm scared to get back on. I am so scared to go through that disappointment again, to feel so excited and then to have it all gone and for no particular reason. The doctor did say that going through a miscarriage can throw your cycle all out of whack, so the best thing to do is to get an ovulation test when we are ready to try getting pregnant again. Jeff is very excited, and is ready to climb back up on the horse. Me, well, I'm a little more content to sit in the stable right now...but I know this is what we want, and if it is meant to happen, it will happen. I love my husband very much, and want nothing more than to create a family with him...then why am I so scared??