Taking the wind out of your sails...

So I just want to cry right now...we told my family over the fourth of July weekend when they were all together thinking it would be a great time to spill the news we were pregnant, and to please keep us in their prayers because of all the things that could go wrong between now and then. I don't know if it is me just being overly emotional right now, or maybe I had built it up so much in my head over the past year and half, but to say I was mildly disappointed is an understatement. My grandmother: "Oh, did you have one of your things done?" My mother: "I assume you're not telling anyone right now because of the obvious?" Just matter of fact, no excitement, a weak congratulations and then move on to the next topic of conversation, like I had told them about a great sale at the mall, not an impending pregnancy.

It brought back up feelings I use to have in high school where I would come home with an A- on a test and my mom would ask why it wasn't an A. But if my sister or brother brought home an A- we threw them a celebration because they didn't "have the book smarts I did", or they had to concentrate on their sports so it was okay." Let me back up, and this will sound a little random, so just bear with me...I have never met my real father. He left before I was born and was a complete and utter jack a$$ to my mom, abusive, the whole nine. My mom remarried when I was three to my stepfather and then subsequently had my brother who is four years younger, and my sister who is seven years younger. I never really felt like I fit in growing up, kind of like I was the glitch in the otherwise perfect little family of one boy and one girl, both star athletes, and the apple of their parents' eyes...and I was the reminder of a failed marriage, and a rotten man. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. My step-dad is great, and has tried his best to make me feel like his child.

I just don't get it...Most grandma's-to-be are so excited. They scream, or shout, or dance around a little...they don't sit there and say, oh that's nice. I just don't get it. My mom knows everything it took for us to get to this point and all the heartache we have endured. Is it so hard to be happy about have a grandchild? Like I said I am probably just being emotional and cranky, but it still hurt just the same...