Left Behind

I went with my family to my grandpa's house today. He is not doing well and is fighting the family on either having home health care or moving in with grandma in the nursing home. He's always been stubborn, I don't know why I'm surprised at this.

While we were there we visited with my great aunt. This was the first time that my aunt was meeting Jeff. She wanted to catch us up to date on all our family's goings on...and then she pulled out all the family photographs of my cousins....my cousins who we all grew up together and were really close when we were little. My cousins who are around my same age. It was hard for me to look down on the photos of them with their wives and husbands and beautiful children. It made it so much more apparent that I was the last one...I was the only cousin (out of the older cousins of family age) that didn't have a family. I haven't felt that alone in a while.

When we were little we had so much in common. As we grew up we went our seperate ways but still tried to stay in touch. Now I look down on the photos and feel like I am looking at strangers. None of them even know what Jeff and I are going through. I haven't ever wanted to bring it up...mostly because I didn't feel it would mix in well with their stories about their kids..."Jena and I had Zach and then found out right away we were pregnant with Connor" "Oh really well Jeff and I had a miscarriage and have been undergoing testing and treatment for infertility. Could you please pass the salt?" Not exactly a conversation starter.

The visit was capped off by being asked when we were going to have kids and K-State losing. Happy freakin' Valentine's Day.