I have decided that facebook is the devil. Every time I log on I get bombarded with pictures of all my high school and college friend's kids, and updates about the cutest things they did, said, or threw up on. Unfortunately that is the only way I keep in touch with some of my friends. I'm making a resolution to get on their as little as possible in the near future.
I have this friend from college that put on their status the other day, "wish us luck as we try to create #2!" If only it were that simple...to just simply have the idea, go through the motions, and bam! Insta-baby!! I tried to wrap my mind around the insane anger that welled up in me when I read that...I couldn't decide if I was hurt feelings or jealousy, or a little of both. I haven 't been able to have one baby in the time that they are going to have 2. Sometimes the universe just doesn't seem fair. Grr...
I don't know if it's the new meds or me just being hyper-sensitive right now, but it seems everywhere the universe is pushing in my face that I am not a mom. Everywhere, everyone is pregnant, or just had a baby. I got a flyer at school today that was an invitation to a "family fair." I don't even really know what it is, but just the mere thought of it pissed me off. Then I was innocently watching Dancing with the Stars and they keep advertising for this new TV show called, "In the Motherhood." That's just cruel...why oh why do they have to put it on my favorite show??? I'm just stubborn enough to say, "screw it...I'm not giving up another thing I love to IF!!" Just another piece of evidence that people outside of the IF world don't understand how something as simple as a commercial for diapers or a birthing center can send someone running from the room in tears. I'm going to take the easy way out and blame it on the new meds :)
Just a quick thank you to everyone that has left comments for ICLW week (and those that have just left comments in general!) It is amazing to know that there are others out there who just get it...no explanation needed. Thank you, thank you for taking the time to write, or even just to read. I appreciate you all more than you know!
3 comments:
Right now is a huge baby boom. (trigs) and even though I went through IF and came out the other side, things like that still piss me off. I felt the same type of anger when I saw the commercials for 'in the motherhood' tonight too. Just know that it's OKAY to feel the way you do. I think it's best to admit it and FEEL it and allow yourself the permission to be okay with it. It's better than to smile and pretend it doesn't bother you, only to let it eat at your insides.
I do hope your future is everything you want. On my journey to ttc my last child, I started in Dec 06 and just finally had him 10 weeks ago. So don't give up. You are doing EVERYTHING you should be doing. ~hugs~
I agree with Nancy. What your feeling is right because it's what YOU'RE feeling. Hang in there, sweetie! We have The Ballroom now so you won't have to be on Facebook as much..*YAY* Thinking of you!
*ICLW*
Facebook is evil, I agree. I've been lapped in the baby race by at least a quarter of my friends - and I'm still waiting for all of the #2 announcements. As for the TV shows, I have developed some type of thick skin towards them most of the time. I even watched the season finale of The Secret Life of the American Teenager when Amy had her baby. Yeah, it was a stupid program and the teens were cast as idiots, but I went from wanting to throw things at the TV, to watching it - who really knows why. I think what I'm trying to say is that for some, it justs better. Maybe.
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